my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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