I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Too much gin, very little bucket
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
