I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
