Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
3pm strippers are depressing
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
