Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
