I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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