All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
