hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
