You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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