So drunk its hurt
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
