so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize