I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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