I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
