She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
