i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
