You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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