I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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