at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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