she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
