I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
