I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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