Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
