nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
