You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize