make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
