Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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