I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I AM VODKA MAN
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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