Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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