I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
