So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
