new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
