the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
