And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
