And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
