Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
