i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
