So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
