guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
