i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
