I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
