woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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