I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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