those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
