Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We talked him into tasing himself.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
