What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
