he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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