Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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