Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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