its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
