and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
