so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize