I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
