i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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