Where is the hickey?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
When are your genitals available?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
