First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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