I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
