Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
