Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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