she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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