Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
