Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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