If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
