Screwed.edu
one might say we're banned from that church
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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