The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
