and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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