I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
