Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
